August 30th, 2002

s60 harriet half smile

HI!

Guess what? So I got called back for Syl and for Nora, the two parts in Up the Down Staircase and Brighton Beach Memoirs (respectively) that I wanted!!! I'm so excited! There are three other people getting called back for Nora, however. And I think three other people getting called back for Syl, including my roomie, yea for her! So I'm still pretty nervous, but the great news is it's Friday and as soon as my math class is over I can spend all day reading over the parts. How cool would it be to get one of them!?!? I'm so psyched. I thought I wanted to be in Brighton more than in Staircase, but now I'm not so sure. I really like Syl, I think she'd be a great role to have!

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Pray for me, I am so happy just to get called back, but I do so want to be in one of the shows!
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    excited excited
defeated

And the list gets posted...

...and the hits just keep on coming.

You tell yourself that it only matters that you were good enough or impressive enough to be called back, no matter what happens after that.

You tell yourself that as long as you get a part in just one of the plays, that's all you wanted.

You tell yourself that you don't need the extra work that comes with a lead role.

And regardless of what you tell yourself, that part deep down, the you that only comes out onstage in front of an audience, aches to be able to come out and shine again. Or at least to feel like it's shining.

And so you pace and wait and jump and take a walk and stand around just outside the place they're going to post it, waiting, waiting, waiting.

(I've read the letters Syl writes to Ellen so many times to prepare that I'm talking like her now.)

And then you see the list, and you scan for your name first, and you blink a few times and you try to understand what it says, and then the realization that it's not you sinks in.

I wanted to be happy for Sarah. I also wanted her to be Bea. She wasn't supposed to get my part. Don't directors know not to put roomates up next against each other? I did give her a hug. Two, actually. And I told her I was so proud of her! And that it was great cause we were in the the play together. (I did get a smaller part, and I suppose I should take it as a consolation. Or more, I should just be excited about it for what it is, right? Maybe tomorrow.)

You tell yourself that if I had read that one scene in callbacks, the one that she read and the one that you just got skipped over for, that would have made the difference. It makes you feel better.

(You have no idea how much this sounds like one of Syl's letters. Ouch.)

And that's that. Another one bites the dust. Have a Happy New Year.
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    crushed crushed
s60 harriet half smile

Thank you

My dear friends, who manage to make me feel better even when I'm at my lousiest.

Thanks for the hugs and the jokes and the games and the sexual innuendos. I needed them.

You all rock and I love you lots.
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    better