September 25th, 2002

defeated

A sign of things to come...

Ever since I posted that stupid quote about how unlonely being alone can be all I've felt is lonely. There's this stupid void inside and every day it seems to get bigger. I can't fill it with school and I can't fill it with drama and I can't fill it with friends and I certainly don't have a person to fill it with at the moment, and as best I can figure the only thing left to fill it with is God and I'm not sure how to fill it with Him but I better figure it out cause at the rate I feel like I'm going it's going to get pretty bad before it gets better.

It's Okay to Cry ~Pam Thum with David Pack
...
Somewhere between life and living
Fears unspoken
Just a token smile
Why do we hide behind the mask of "I'm okay"
Isn't there something more we need to say-
...
There's no one here we must be strong for
There's no one here but you and me
And we don't need the answers
We don't need to know why
We just need to know that sometimes
It's okay to cry
...
  • Current Music
    "The World Has Turned and Left Me," Weezer
s60 harriet half smile

Thank you.

I figure I might get a comment and instead I get a phone call.

Thank you Brett for cheering me up and making me laugh as only you can.

Thank you Karkota for the email, it also helped.

Thank you Beef for reminding me that at least one thing hadn't changed (and won't change--and I could definitely use a comic con. Or at least a dose of Chasing Amy).

Thank you Troy and Angie for the hugs.

Thank you Sarah from Napa even though she doesn't read this for letting me be mean to her cause it made me feel better.

Thank you Bud for trying even though you didn't have much success.

And thank you Troy again, for praying. That probably did more than anything else.

Speaking of praying, I probably should have been clearer in the previous entry. Apparently I almost caused a crisis of faith. When I said that I felt like I didn't believe in anything anymore, I meant ideals and well, everything I've ever been taught minus God. And I'm feeling a bit better now anyway. Thanks to all my friends, who are everpresent and won't let me be in a rotten mood no matter how much I want to be.

Thank you.
  • Current Mood
    not great but getting better