April 5th, 2004


Okay this isn't the serious one...but it was fun

Today was really fun.
I got out of bed really early because I had terrible stomach cramps.

I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am making this journal friends only because I don't want the world to read what I'm writing, even though I'm posting it on the internet.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, and a healthy imagination.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.

I'll kind of steal Nikki's line on this and if you believe any of this keep on reading.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this poem I wrote. It's about my friend Robert, who has bipolar disorder. Just like me. And Heidi.

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  • Current Music
    "Late Great Planet Earth"
s60 harriet half smile


This is something that Jordan and I have talked about a lot recently, and it's something I wanted to post about.

I'm going to post a little part of our conversation and to kind of introduce what I'm talking about.

burnthellama: People don't understand that for the rest of us, it [Lutheran communion] feels like a tree-house club with the no __________ allowed sign
moredetails15: I'm definitely learning
burnthellama: I don't have to commune with you, that's fine. I'll do that to not offend you, but I don't need to be told that I'm not the same level of Christian.
burnthellama: by people who really believe it
burnthellama: even though they wouldn't think to say it in those words
moredetails15: good, cause especially in the past few months, I've really been trying not to be that kind of lutheran
burnthellama: Does it bother you that many people would think your faith was slipping because you're trying not to be "that kind of Lutheran"

And this is what I said, hopefully more clearly stated than in the convo. I said that what bothers me is that there are many people on this campus (and in Christian churches everywhere, though I think Lutherans are especially bad at this) who don't understand tolerance. By tolerance I mean accepting that people have different beliefs than you do. I don't mean accepting their beliefs as correct because that would go against what most Christians understand the Bible to say. But it does mean understanding that telling other people that they are wrong and that their beliefs are condemning them to hell is not what brings people to Christianity. It's exactly what turns them away from it.

I have a quick story here to illustrate what I am talking about. I might have posted this before, I don't know. The fall before I went to Australia, I was in Fish with this girl, Melanie, who told Fish this witnessing story and I'll never forget it. She and a few friends had been at a coffee place after seeing the Jonah movie, and as they were leaving this group of about 60 Wiccans came in. On their way back to campus, two of the girls really felt like they should have witnessed to them, so much so that they went back to the coffee shop. Melanie said they started a conversation by asking a few of them if they were Wiccan (they were all wearing the necklace with the Wiccan symbol on it). The two girls asked about what Wiccans believed, and stuff like that, for a good 20 minutes. Then one of them said that they were Christian, and "this is what we believe" and began to tell them. Melanie said the majority response they got was, "You're Christian? You can't be Christian, Christians aren't like this, they don't listen they just tell you you're wrong and going to hell." A few of the Wiccans were still unwilling to listen to them at all, assuming they were the typical Christians they had met, but some of the girls they talked to asked Melanie and her friend if they would come back and talk to them again.

Now, if Melanie and Lindsey had begun their conversation with "You guys are wrong you know," they would not have been able to talk to them at all and they would have deepened the negative impression most of those people had about Christians.

Tolerance means respect for other people's beliefs. It doesn't mean accepting their beliefs to be true. When I say this most people jump to that conclusion. But respecting another's beliefs does not mean you have to accept them as true. It means understanding and accepting that to that person they are true, in fact most of the time they may believe just as strongly that their faith is as true as we believe ours is. But would you feel very willing to listen to someone who told you that your faith meant you were going to "their" hell?

Lutherans on this campus are so bad at this. I am the same way, though I'm trying to get better. I used to bash on Catholics a lot, though I'm trying not to anymore. But there are so many Lutherans on this campus who make those who aren't Lutheran feel like lower forms of Christians. We as Lutherans have this idea built into us that we are more right than everyone else because we interpret the Bible correctly while everyone else doesn't. And because we are more right they are more wrong. And then we tell them that.

And it's not all direct, either. Some of it is simply implied. I took a good look at the Communion service we've been using for Lent. Now, I'm not saying that I think close communion is wrong, but I think that sometimes the way it is handled is. If you look at some of the wording it's very misleading and/or exclusive. I don't have a copy with me so I'm not directly quoting, but I remember there being a part in a prayer about how communion connects us as members of the true church on earth. Does that mean that those who do not commune with us are not members of the true church? I don't think we believe that, but that's what we present to other people.

So there is a problem on this campus. We are not always welcomeing to those who aren't Lutheran. Yes, this is a Lutheran college and non-Lutherans should know that when they chose to come here, but does that mean we should minister only to Lutherans? I think Jordan phrased the problem the best way: (I added the emphasis)

burnthellama: every attempt at welcoming others here is seen by many as abandoning Lutheran faith, which I don't expect you to do. How can you minister to non-Lutheran students within a Lutheran framework and without trying to make Lutherans out of them?

I don't know, but it's worth thinking about.
  • Current Music
    "Phenomenon" by TFK

"Who Needs Sleep?" by barenaked ladies

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Chorus 1:
Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Chorus 2:
Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

Chorus 1

Chorus 2

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
There's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

Chorus 1

Hala Hala Hala...

Chorus 2
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    "The Kilburn High Road" by Flogging Molly
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(no subject)

Sometimes I'm a liar.

I apologize to everyone that I was ever holier-than-thou to about alcohol. Most of you have seen that my attitude about alcohol has changed since round about Australia. And I know that I used to think I was above everyone who drank, and I'm sorry.

Jordan, that was a bigger favor than you or I realized.

Sometimes I'm a fake.

I should publicly apologize to Ashley, I should have been more prepared for you today.

I don't want to go to work today. I did some semblance of homework today. I should get up early tomorrow and get a lot of stuff done. I'm going to try. That means going to bed early tonight.

I should go over and check on Ashley soon.

Somtimes I'm a hypocrite that everybody hates.
Thank God I live in grace and am forgiven.
  • Current Music
    "What if I Stumble?" by dc Talk
s60 harriet half smile

Friends are such a blessing

The summary of the Gospel made by a Christian author and civil rights activist: We’re all bastards, but God loves us anyway....God loves you, God is with you. You will never be alone, you never need to fear, you never need to despair.

Jordan Dollar is one of the bestest people ever. He makes me happy and cheers me up. And he's just a greater great friend. Thank you.

I also got to talk to Troy today, like have a real talk, without fighting. That was good too. And I got lots of compliments today. I think pictures will have to wait, Ashley is really busy tonight. And I'm going to try to be offline and in bed within the hour. Really.

"Sometimes I lay down, close my eyes, and pray to God: I'm ready for the night." ~"Man of God" by Audio Adrenaline
  • Current Music
    "This is a Call" by TFK