Watched the music video for "Here Without You" and really missed Chris. Actually I really missed Chris during a lot of the questions.
It's so weird, I keep randomly finding more things out about Jordan that we have in common (or in tandem, if you reverse the situation to take into account our gender difference, if that makes any sense. Well, I understand it and that's the important part, anyway).
So back to the missing Chris part, I wanted to call him but I---
I just had the best conversation with Chris! I'm so glad I found his phone number. We talked about the best and worst things about our relationship, just like Jordan and I talked about (cause I told him about me and Jordan's convo). And my best was that (selfish) he makes me feel really good about myself because he thinks so highly of me, and unselfish, I don't remember what I said that was unselfish! Anyway, I have to hurry cause I'm really getting tired. So frustrating, for both of us, was the distance. And worst for me was when I worried about what I would do if I felt like I had to break up with him. I had to convince him that that was specifically a future worry and never a present issue (I don't feel like I want to break up with him now but I worry that I might have to in the future). Oh, and to go along with that, the fact that sometimes when we haven't talked for awhile I forget how much I love him. I know that sounds awful, but, well, when we don't talk for awhile I do forget. Unselfish was the fact that he is willing to give up all time for me. Anything else gets set aside or comes second. And the worst was the fact that he loves me so much it can cause him to be unable to think logically about me, or that it hurts so much when he "gets stupid" as he put it. I really miss talking to him. I told him about the most frustrating thing with Jordan being how it affects my relationship with him (and with Troy). And he started to tell me it's okay, that I should spend time with my friends even if it's over him, but I made him stop and admit that choosing to hang out with people I can see over talking to him on the phone every single time is not a good thing, it's not okay, it's bad and causes problems. That's the most frustrating thing about him that I can think of. But he's working on it.
All in all, we had this great conversation. It was really good. And I am glad. I needed that.
And now I need sleep. Guess what? Jordan's parents are going to be getting up any minute now--it's 6 am! That's insane.
Edit: The best unselfish thing about me and Chris is the effect I have on him. This wasn't what I said in the conversation but I was thinking about it last night and I realized that this is much more correct. He is a better person with me, and that probably sounds really full of myself but that's not true, because he would say and has said the same thing. He's just a better person. Okay that's all now.