Pink-Haired Girl (details15) wrote,
Pink-Haired Girl
details15
  • Mood: tired

I love conversations.

Jordan is awesome. We have the best talks sometimes. It's definitely harder to do at school, because there's a certain comfort-privacy-like aspect that is often lacking, but when it's just the two of us it's a very comfortable thing. And we managed to come up with questions that we hadn't asked yet, a good few hours worth. It was so fun and nice. We talked about the best and worst and most frustrating things about our relationship. Jordan's best was having someone to rant to (selfishly) and being able to talk about all the different things we talk about. His most frustrating was when our friendship upsets Holly. My best was the fact that we can be platonically physical (like head rubs and like the other day he rubbed my shoulder when I was upset and it was just nice in a friendly way) and the fact that we have talked about really awkward things that could have negatively impacted our relationship and they haven't impacted it negatively at all, and that's great. My other selfish best (apparently I had two, cause I remember two) was that no matter how down I was on myself, Jordan always managed to be uplifting or positive. And not in a fake way, like "Oh, Lisa, it'll be okay" when it won't or when hearing that won't help. And not in a dishonest way, like he doesn't just lie to make me feel better, he's still honest even when he disagrees or doesn't understand but he's still positive and that's great. My worst was when I felt like I was interfering with his relationship with Holly, or I felt like I was causing problems or anything like that, and the most frustrating was the effect it had on other friendships, like Troy and Chris. Since he's here and I can spend time with him in person it's just usually more fun (purely selfish here) to hang out with him, or to talk to him about stuff, than to call Chris or Troy and talk on the phone. It's not fair to Chris or Troy or other friends. One of the things he said was that I am able to pull off all sorts of different styles (which felt really nice to hear because I don't always feel like I can really pull some of the things that I try off). And since one of the things he doesn't like about the opposite sex is the fact that they don't believe you when you say good things about them, I'm going to go ahead and believe him. It's nice to be randomly complimented.

Watched the music video for "Here Without You" and really missed Chris. Actually I really missed Chris during a lot of the questions.

It's so weird, I keep randomly finding more things out about Jordan that we have in common (or in tandem, if you reverse the situation to take into account our gender difference, if that makes any sense. Well, I understand it and that's the important part, anyway).

So back to the missing Chris part, I wanted to call him but I---

I just had the best conversation with Chris! I'm so glad I found his phone number. We talked about the best and worst things about our relationship, just like Jordan and I talked about (cause I told him about me and Jordan's convo). And my best was that (selfish) he makes me feel really good about myself because he thinks so highly of me, and unselfish, I don't remember what I said that was unselfish! Anyway, I have to hurry cause I'm really getting tired. So frustrating, for both of us, was the distance. And worst for me was when I worried about what I would do if I felt like I had to break up with him. I had to convince him that that was specifically a future worry and never a present issue (I don't feel like I want to break up with him now but I worry that I might have to in the future). Oh, and to go along with that, the fact that sometimes when we haven't talked for awhile I forget how much I love him. I know that sounds awful, but, well, when we don't talk for awhile I do forget. Unselfish was the fact that he is willing to give up all time for me. Anything else gets set aside or comes second. And the worst was the fact that he loves me so much it can cause him to be unable to think logically about me, or that it hurts so much when he "gets stupid" as he put it. I really miss talking to him. I told him about the most frustrating thing with Jordan being how it affects my relationship with him (and with Troy). And he started to tell me it's okay, that I should spend time with my friends even if it's over him, but I made him stop and admit that choosing to hang out with people I can see over talking to him on the phone every single time is not a good thing, it's not okay, it's bad and causes problems. That's the most frustrating thing about him that I can think of. But he's working on it.

All in all, we had this great conversation. It was really good. And I am glad. I needed that.

And now I need sleep. Guess what? Jordan's parents are going to be getting up any minute now--it's 6 am! That's insane.

Night.

Edit: The best unselfish thing about me and Chris is the effect I have on him. This wasn't what I said in the conversation but I was thinking about it last night and I realized that this is much more correct. He is a better person with me, and that probably sounds really full of myself but that's not true, because he would say and has said the same thing. He's just a better person. Okay that's all now.
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