I cannot be in Fish next year. I know that, I have known it, but to really think about what that means makes me want to cry. Fish is so much more than just the drama, although that's such a big part of it. Fish is this outlet, no matter what's going on, Fish is there and it's cathartic. Some people have Kapella, some people have Wind Symphony, some people have art, some people have whatever their outlet, their safe haven might be. Mine is theater. But I can't be in a show next semester. I might have time to do lighting stuff, but that won't be nearly the same, especially if Jordan is not helping. And not having Fish on top of it all is going to make it damn near impossible. I really don't want to look at it this way, but it might actually be a matter of surviving next semester. As much as I am sort of looking forward to student teaching because I am probably going to get to teach upper level math, I don't think it's quite going to make up for it. I might love math, but my passion is theater. I think if I were student teaching somewhere else and not living on campus with my friends I might actually not make it. I think I'm going to be down about this for the rest of the night. At least that's my plan.
I just hope that God opens a window.