"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free."
"Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"
"No, I think he just called her a slut!"
Blue guy: "Look, it's really important, alright! Normally I would just shoot at you guys and steal your girlfriends, but today's different. I need you to trust me on this."
Red sarge: "Well, I may have spoke too soon. That is an interesting and well thought-out, not to mention clever and timely, I might add, proposition. Simmons, would you care to deliver our rebuttal?"
Red private: "[Ahem] SUCK IT BLUE!"
Church: "From now on, if anybody makes my girlfriend cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me."
Church's girlfriend, Tex: "Aww, that's sweet."
Church: "Shut up, bitch!"
"I try not to think while I am sleeping."
"That's pretty much how you function when you're awake."
"And how many snack cakes have you had today?"
"None. Okay, five. Or more. Baker's dozen at the most."
"Do you even know how many there are in a baker's dozen?"
"By my count, 48."
"I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex."
"A plan! Aww, I hate plans, that means we're gonna have to do stuff. Couldn't we just have a strategy, or a mission statement?"