Jordan and I want to get married. A lot of you probably know that we had talked about eloping. Well, we talked about it again and decided there were some good things that went along with being engaged, including pre-marital counseling. So we decided that we are going to get engaged. For all intents and purposes, we pretty much are, I just don't have the ring and he hasn't formally asked because of the no ring yet part. But I already have a dress. So anyway...
We want to get married on Christmas Eve in St. Louis at his church. My family is having a real problem with this. Let's see if I can enumerate their arguments (and by their I mean mostly my mom and my godmom in her defense):
1. St. Louis. Mom wants me to get married closer to home, so more people can come. Jordan and I talked about what was important to us, and we want t ohave people there who we are close to and that we care about. Close family members. Not distant relatives. I don't particularly care one way or the other if my dad's cousins and their kids are there. And I've already told mom that I would like to have a big late reception/party at the beach in Michigan this summer for all my side of the family to celebrate. That's apparently not good enough because "it will be like a family reunion, not like your wedding, and people will only come if they don't have other plans or if they can make it." Um, mom, isn't that how people decide to attend weddings too? Also under where, there is the church. The first thing my mom asked was "don't you want to get married in a Lutheran church?" Let's see, I'm marrying a Baptist pastor and I'm probably going to change denominations myself later because of that, so, no, not really. Some Lutheran churches might not want to marry a Baptist and a Lutheran. And a lot of pastors prefer that you go through counseling with them before they marry you. So if we got married in Michigan we'd have to go through counseling with a MI pastor, which would be kind of difficult seeing as we both live in TEXAS now. If we get married in St. Louis it would be by his pastor, someone Jordan's known for awhile and who is almost like family to him. As opposed to some random pastor in MI that I don't know very well and he doesn't know at all. We can get our counseling done at his seminary and that wouldn't be a problem. Lastly, why so far away? People (including my family) won't be able to afford to come. Well, I told my parents that we would help pay for their airfare so that they and my sisters could come, and those are the most important people to me.
2. So soon. I am supposed to get used to my new lifestyle and spend more time being single. I don't like being single. Never have. I hate coming home to an empty house and counting down the seconds until 9 when my free minutes kick in and I can call Jordan. I hate eating dinner by myself. I can't afford an antenna but I bought one simply so I could turn on the tv and have background noise while I was eating cause I was lonely. And most of all I hate crying myself to sleep without anyone there to comfort me because no one's there. So, wait, let me get used to being single and get set in a routine and pattern so that when I do get married it disrupts that pattern and is even harder to get used to, instead of getting married before I get into a routine and making marriage part of that routine. Plus, my last semester of college and the four months I spent at Jeanne's I was practically living alone. I've had enough. I want to be married. I wanted to marry Jordan months ago. When you know it's the one you just know and you don't want to wait.
3. Christmas Eve. This is my hardest one to defend, because it is a holiday. She says it's harder to travel and it's harder to have the money, etc. Well, if we didn't have it then we'd probably have it earler in December, because we don't want to wait until next spring or summer. So it would still be around Christmas and it would still have the same problems and people would still not come or not be able to afford it. It's Jordan's favorite holiday and it's special to us and we think it would be really cool to get married right after the Candlelight service. (Which we're pretty sure his pastor would do, but not necessarily any others.) Also, it fits into our schedule for the wedding and the honeymoon, and we couldn't really do both together unless we waiting until next summer, and that seems an awfully long time away right now.
4. I'm the first born, it's not fair to my family and those who love me who want to see me get married. Alright, this one pisses me off. Because you know what? I was the first person on my dad's side to graduate from college and you know who came to see that? My immediate family (minus Candace), my Aunt Jeanne, and my dad's mom. That's it. So much for "firstborn really important." That's a lousy reason, I'm sorry. Like I said before, if my parents and my sisters are there, I'd be happy.
5. I thought you wanted pink dresses for your bridesmaids and stuff like that? And I hear along with that from other people that I'm the first born and they have ideas for how my wedding should be. Well, it's my wedding. Jordan and I have talked about what is important to us in this wedding. We don't want the wedding to be about this perfect day where nothing goes wrong and we have the right flowers and the caterer and the cake and the musicians and the dances all planned out, and the dresses perfect and OMG THE CATERER CAN'T MAKE CHICKEN JUST SALMON, THE WHOLE WEDDINGS RUINED LET'S CALL IT OFF. This wedding is about us, joining together, not about all that stuff. We don't want to go through the whole invitation obligations and we know that Aunt Sherry won't come but we have to send her an invitation anyway because she's supposed to be invited even though we haven't seen her in three years. What is important to me: I want my parents and my sisters there, I want to wear a pretty white dress, I want to have my father give me away, and dammit but I want my parents' blessing! And that's all. I don't need anything else. My parents have Candace who will probably want a picture perfect and perfectly coordinated wedding with all those trimmings, and Michele has all kinds of stuff already planned for her wedding. I want a small, simple wedding, and I don't want it around anyone else's schedule. I want what's right for me and Jordan. I can't afford a big wedding and I don't want one. And it's not like she and dad are going to be able to help, heck, they keep telling me they can't afford to come to St. Louis (and I've told her that Jordan and I will help to pay for the airfare because they have to be there. It's my freaking wedding.)
My mom actually said at one point that maybe she would just come to the reception party I'd have in Michigan and skip the wedding. WTF?!?!? If that's how she feels then why is the rest of this such a big deal anyway???
I almost want to ask mom if she would prefer I send a survey out to my side of the family with locations, and food preferences, and dates and times, and musical tastes, so that I can plan my wedding based on what is good for everyone else.
Someone at my work today jokingly said, "Lisa, it's your wedding, it's not about you." I'm starting to feel like it's not.
At least Dad said he'd support me in whatever I decided.