Pink-Haired Girl (details15) wrote,
Pink-Haired Girl
details15

An entry not directly related to Jordan! Go figure!

So I was feeling kind of pensive yesterday, specifically thinking about friends and things. I realized that I don't have very many at the moment. Old friends are too far away to stay good friends for very long. As much as we can still stay in touch here and there (mostly there here), there is still a very big distance that makes it hard to stay very good friends, or so I've experienced in the past. Even if that's not a general issue, it is with me personally. I have a hard time investing the effort that it takes to keep long distance friendships going strong. High school people? Melissa and I went through a very long period of not really talking much at all, and now we are a little, but we'll probably never be as close as we were simply because we live so far apart. CURF friends? I've only talked to a few of them since I graduated, let alone since I came down here. And I'm not really getting the impression that I'm missed very much from some of them. Again, it's just partially the distance and partially we starting drifting apart for whatever the reason, be it Chris or my depression or whatever, but the people I was very close to my junior year I barely saw my senior and I haven't talked to very much since. I do miss them, but I miss them in the same way that I missed them when I lived next door to them. I miss when we were close, not what we have been recently. And new friends? Well, I have a lot of wonderful colleagues who have all said things like "I'll have to invite you out with my friends sometime" or "we'll have to have you over for dinner sometime" but who haven't followed up on those invitations. And, also, I think I'm keeping myself distanced. I'm not sure why, if it's just because it's hard for me to open up to new people or if I'm purposely trying not to make new friends, either for lack of desire to put in the effort and perhaps not have it be returned, or because I'm afraid that I will get close to someone or some people and then something else will happen and we'll drift away and I'll still see them all the time but it won't be the same.

Actually, that was probably the worst part of my senior year of CURF. Pretending that things were still normal between me and Anna and Katie and Sarah and Ashley when they weren't and we all knew it.

So I got two phone calls after that sentence and I kind of lost the point of this entry so if this is an abrupt ending, ah, well, it was mostly for me anyway.
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