Pink-Haired Girl (details15) wrote,
Pink-Haired Girl

This candle is going to burn out

I feel really overwhelmed, overcommitted, overeverything.

I got so much done yesterday and suddenly it still seems like there's so much to do. It's like, if I focus on school, like yesterday, I get nothing done around the house, or I don't get to spend quality time with Jordan. We can put our bed together or have sex, but if we do the first we're too tired for the second. I honestly don't see how I could possibly start to get sick of Jordan because I feel like I hardly ever see him. And I'm thinking about not doing martial arts and that means I'd have a lot more time for other stuff but it's another three hours that I wouldn't be able to see Jordan. It's nice to do something together but it's hard when there are so many other things I feel like I should be doing.

We still have lots of thank-you cards to write. I'm afraid we won't get them mailed until summer when I have some free time, and I feel terrible about it, but there really is no time. I feel like a terrible PSIA coach because I don't have time to meet with my students. I really want to go get my Texas license so I can have one in my new name but I have to stay after school every day this week and that means that I can't get it done this week, which also means I can't get a check card on my account and I don't have one in my maiden name so I can't access all of our money. It's all starting to get to me.

I honestly feel like I'm using my time better, too, and there's still so little of it. I woke up this morning and remembered that there was a load of clothes in the washer still that had been there since saturday. Four days and I haven't remembered or had time to change over the laundry. We're out of a bunch of food at home but I haven't had time to grocery shop.

I know I'm partly so tired because I'm on my period and that's just making everything seem a little worse than it is, but even so. It's just feels like I'm standing still and running everywhere all at once. I have a new mother-in-law who's wonderful but who wants me to call her often and just chat and I don't have time for it and I feel bad but my family doesn't talk like that, my mom calls my Grandma when she has news, not every Sunday.

I want to go to the doctor and figure out why my cramps are starting to get worse again instead of better but I don't know when I'm supposed to do that. We still haven't unpacked everything from Disney. I spent hours cleaning this weekend and I can't keep up with it so it's starting to get messy again, not to mention that I never even finished so I still have the whole living room to clean from scratch. We haven't vaccuumed more that twice since I moved in.

I just needed to get that all out I guess. Maybe if I cry I'll feel better.

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