HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER?
by Jeff Foxworthy
1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
3. You walk into a store and hear the words 'It's Ms/Mr. _________' and know you have been spotted.
4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.
6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period.
7. You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
8. You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
9. You want to slap the next person who says 'Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off.'
10. You believe chocolate is a food group.
11. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside. I can't tell you how many times we have said that during the school year...oh, wait, I can. 10.
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'
13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public. Totally and seriously. All the time!
14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin. No good teacher would actually agree with this, I'm sorry.
15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children. Well, technically this is true so far...
17. You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!
18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a 'good choice or a bad choice.'
19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally,
21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents. This is unbelievably accurate. Ask me sometime about the parents who chaperoned DC last year.