I know that math is not everybody's thing, and that no matter how great a teacher you have you can still have a hard time with a lesson. And I did just get done teaching something that is very, very hard, (though, it comes so easy for me it is hard for me to figure out how it is hard and therefore how better to teach it) but I still feel like I suck at my job if my students don't all get A's and B's on a test. I hate grading bad tests. I need to go back to spending an hour each night preparing for how to teach the next day. It takes up SO MUCH time, but it makes me a better teacher and I know I was doing better when I was doing that than I am now. It's just hard when you feel like you teach all day, and get home and spend another 3-4 hours on homework. I don't know how to do it differently, though. I already give completion grades 4 times a week. Anyone who thinks that teachers have it easy are ignorant and should try it sometime. And on the weekends when I am supposed to recharge myself, I am working my butt off so that we can start to save, but mostly it's just making ends meet and paying for us to go out to eat once a week. Our youth minister preached Sunday to the youth on the topic of "what if Jesus really meant what he said" and focused specifically on the sheep and the goats, and the parable of the rich man, where Jesus says, "Sell all you have, give the money to the poor, then come and follow me." It's times like now where I think that might actually be easier to do than what I'm doing now. I don't know, it just feels awful hard right now.
Of course, when I do grade tests and they are mostly A's and B's, I get a nice warm feeling, and I know that it's worth it, but I don't know...sometimes it sounds tempting to just give it all up and not worry about stuff. I should do that anyway, give it all "up" and not worry about it.